Comicsartist

I debated whether or not to get out of bed yesterday. Two things, though, motivated me. One, I figured if the Son can rise, so can I. And, two, that damned anthropomorphic rabbit would soon be here.

See, this is why I avoid church on Easter Sunday. I know as soon as my back is turned, my attention elsewhere, my house left unguarded, the rabbit will break in. Even if he leaves yummy Cadbury Creme Eggs, the idea of another break in made me shudder. I have enough trouble with gnomes.

I have never seen the rabbit first hand, but I remember years ago, riding home from church as a little boy, my dad (rip) looked out the driver's side window and said, "Hey! Look! The Easter Bunny!"

My brother, four years my senior, and my mother, who would kill me for telling her age, both acted in a like manner. "Yeah! There he is! Did you see him, S?"

Of course, I did not...to this day I wonder whether they really saw the rabbit, or if it was all an elaborate ruse...But, that almost encounter, years later, would cause me to be ready should I meet the rabbit, face to buck-toothed face.

At the time, the rabbit seemed innocent enough. After all these years, though, what with terrorism, Dubya, governmental bastards and Jehova's Witnesses peeking in on you, an anthropomorphic rabbit breaking into my house and leaving me candy just didn't seem safe anymore. What if he felt froggy and decided to leave stale Peeps?

The horror.

I had been awake for twenty minutes when I heard the front door knob jostle. "He's here." I thought.
I walk silently to the door, and look out the peep hole...and there's nothing there. False alarm...

...or was it? Rabbits are small...and I'm not sure how tall the Easter Bunny would be. I had never seen him, so how could I know? Was he a six footer like Harvey? Shit...was he invisible like Harvey? I hadn't accounted for an invisible Easter Bunny. Thankfully, I had no need.
I opened the door, and there at my feet was a three foot tall purple rabbit with a set of lock picks in hand.
"Well, well, well...What's all this, then?"
The rabbit looked up at me, and muttered something.
"What was that?" I asked.
"I said, 'shit'."
Taken aback, I asked him why.
"Why? How about, here I am, the Easter Bunny, getting ready to leave yummy Cadbury Creme Eggs, and I get caught in the act. The other's will never let me live this down."
"Wait...did you say others?"
"Of course. You don't think that...wait...you thought it was the same rabbit all these years? Anthropomorphic we may be, but we're not immortal. Well, we're almost immortal, but that fucker, Fudd, is dangerous."
"Huh?"
"Fudd. You know, Elmer Fudd."
"He looks like a simp in the cartoons, man. Bugs always gets away."
"Bugs always gets away. Do you have ANY idea how SICK I am of Bugs Bunny? He's the hero of Easter Bunny history. He's also the only one of us who has faced off with Fudd and survived. Any time I go on a date, I hear about Bugs. Every time I turn on the news, I hear about Bugs. Every time I sleep, hell, I have nightmares about bugs."
"I think 'night-hares' would've been funny..."
"That's what you get for thinking."
"Hey, now. Let's not get personal."
"You're standing there, blocking me from doing my professional duties, taking food from my 35 kids' mouths, and you're telling me not to get personal?"
"You were going to break into MY HOUSE!"
"I was going to leave you yummy Cadbury Creme Eggs!"
After a few moments thought, I said, "well, I do love yummy Cadbury Creme Eggs, but how do I know they're safe?"
"Dude...this isn't Halloween."
"Are you sure? You could be that damned gnome in a rabbit costume. I wouldn't put it past him..."
The rabbit's eyes dialated and grew wide. A small smirk spread over his lips. He reached up a hand and pulled off his rabbit face, and there was the face of terror. It was the damned gnome.

"Well played...well played...But you haven't seent the last of me. Next time, though, you won't be so lucky."

The gnome disappeared in a poof of smoke.

I shut the door, frazzled, but happy to be alive, when someone knocks.

This time, I am ready. I grab my double barreled shotgun open the door, take aim, and blow to bits what was once standing there.
After the smoke clears, I see what I have done. There's a Watchtower pamphlet lying in a pool of crimson.

That damned gnome did it again.

Maybe I can plead temporary insanity?

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