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"Well, looky here. It's next time, " I said. "How about calling that Gnome bastard to the stand now?"
"As soon as you step down I will."
I went back to my seat and the prosecutor readied himself. No one thought the Gnome would appear, so what happened next startled them.
"Your Honor...I would like to call...um...'that Gnome bastard'...to the stand."
Nothing happened.
After half a minute the court room broke out in a murmur.
"He's nuts. That's what he-"
"Gnomes aren't real. Everyone knows-"
"Think he'll call the Easter Bunny next? Bet you-"
Suddenly, the doors flew open and a fog rolled in. A thick, dense fog that you can't see a foot in.
"Turn on the ceiling fans, bailiff." The judge said from his invisible bench.
The bailiff felt his way along the wall, I imagine, and found the switch, which I can attest to.
When the fog cleared, standing on the stand was that Gnome bastard.
The court let out a collective, "Holy shit."
"Ha HA!" I laughed. "Believe me now, ye of little faith?" Then I stuck my tongue out at them all and sat down.
"Wow...Um...Mr.-"
"Gnome Bastard."
"Gnome Bastard is your name??" The prosecuting attorney sounded as shocked as I was.
"What's it to ya?" Gnome Bastard snapped.
"I meant no offense, Mr. Bastard. It's just an odd name in our society."
"Good thing I'm not a part of 'your society' then, ain't it?"
"Of course you're a part of our society. Here you sit in a court of law."
"I'm a Gnome. I'm outside of natural law. Supernatural in origin. And, your advertising people love us."
"So the Roaming Gnome is-"
"My third cousin on my mother's side."
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