The Irony of Insult on the Internet

The Irony of Insult on the Internet

One of the joys of poasting on forums is watching, sometimes participating in the pissing contests that occur from time to time. Seeing the insults fly, the parry and thrust of quip and retort and then the eventual ego crash, it is such fun. So, I’m a sadist taking joy in another’s humiliation, sue me.

Of course, the standard insults are always good in an opening salvo; “asshole”, “retard” and “cocksucker”, imply your intentions without really raising a sweat. Then there are the amalgams; “fucktard”, “cockbite”, “reamhole” have a certain jene sais quoi, but can be used ad infinitum and as such used exclusively can show a true lack of originality and a limited vocabulary.

Then there are the internet specific insults; “troll”: a person who comes to a forum to disrupt the flow and impose their agenda upon the poor victims around him. A “flame-thrower ” is a troll, who not only imposes their own agenda, but knows that their statements will enflame, (hence the name), the sensibilities of those other posters on the forum. Like the conservative at a Liberal board, or Hamas on a JDL board. They will provoke, just for the sake of provocation. They will insult just to irritate, not to make a point.

A “Spammer” is a creature totally void of originality. They lack any skills in sentence structure, grammar, or cognition. They will copy and paste online articles, in part or whole, usually without crediting the true author and try to pass it off as their own. Or worse, will c/p an article everywhere they can, taking quantity with others quality. And the lowest, will constantly quote other’s words and then add a line at he end such as; “ha ha” or “well said” or some other insipid statement thereby trying to claim the words as their own.

And then there is my favorite; “attention whore”. And herein lies the irony. The insult is supposed to label someone as an attention-seeking miscreant. Someone who is the equivalent of that little brother who craves his older siblings attention. If you had younger brothers or sisters, you know exactly what I mean. If you were that little brother, we hate you, and we will get you when mom’s not around!

And then there is the cyber bully. He has a big set of Internuts,* and thinks that being behind a monitor screen makes him safe from reprisals. He is wrong. In real life, this man is a pipsqueak. Oh he may be a tall man, or a fat man, but he is still a pipsqueak.

Anyway, back to the irony. If you’re quick on the uptake you know were I’m going, if not, I shall elaborate. The term “attention whore” implies the insulted is that little brother. But big bro’ has his own issues too! If you are here, and you post, you are seeking attention. You can’t escape that fact. We all want the other’s here to listen to us, to agree with us, to laugh with, not at, us. That is why we’re here. Don’t give me that shit about sharing intellectual discourse, the free exchange of ideas, the camaraderie, BULLSHIT!

You are here to impress, dazzle and baffle others with your wit, intellect and humor. Admit it and you’ll stop deluding yourself and embrace your inner exhibitionist. Now you see the irony, the conflict, of such an insult. Yes, there are degrees to this, most are low key and respectful of others. After all, if you want people to listen to your bullshit, you have to listen to theirs. It is when someone breaks this courtesy, this accepted decorum, that “attention whore” is hurled with vim and venom. But, it is a case of kettle-black, just a tad hypocritical.

There is nothing wrong with wanting attention. Actors, writers and comedians are all attention seekers. Celebrities have raised this need to an art form. Agents, managers, publicists and personal assistants all exist to keep attention focused on their client. We have become a society of attention seekers; Myspace, YouTube, and the millions of web-based exhibitionist sites attest to this basic need we all have. If you come here just to read and never post- WTF is wrong with you? Are you some shadowy figure? Do you work for the CIA? FBI? NSA? DEA? Well, if you don’t you are one creepy dude! But since you don’t post, we don’t know you exist. So there! Would Paris Hilton exist without paparazzi? Unfortunately, yes, but we would be happier if we didn’t know about her and that little dog too!

But now for the good stuff. The best aspect to these type of forums – here, all that counts is your mind, and your ability to cogently express yourself. Size doesn’t matter, (at least that is what my wife keeps telling me), you can’t intimidate anyone because you’re 6’5” and 250lbs., we can’t see you! Wealth is meaningless, you can’t buy good will here. You may be sitting in your million dollar home, drinking 25 year-old Scotch and it means nothing, we can’t see you. You might as well be in a tarpaper shack in Appalachia, it doesn’t matter.

As is that big macho attitude you walk around with. Hey asshole, I can’t fear a little pipsqueak like you because in reality, until you come to my front door you are nothing but pixels on a screen. So tell me how you’re gonna kick my ass, I need the laugh. The best are the ones who want to meet somewhere to kick my ass. Hey fucktard, I might be bigger than you, I might be crazier than you, I also may be better armed than you too. So think before you message me your address. (Yes, I had someone actually email me there address so I would drive down and let them beat me up. Rednecks aren’t too bright, I hope he enjoys his NAMBLA subscription.)

You can have an MBA from Harvard or be a high school dropout, we can’t see your degrees or lack thereof. So it doesn’t matter. You can be a wizened old man (ahem), or a 19 year –old sophomore in college, it doesn’t matter. Age may lend experience, it seldom lends intelligence. I expect to learn from everyone. I may learn you’re an idiot, but there is worth in that knowledge, also.

Looks mean nothing as well, and here is the greatest leveler of the internet. Good looking people learn early in life how to use those looks to their advantage. Especially women, no offense girls, but it is a fact of life that good looking girls will get a cadre of men to light their cigarette while a plain girl stumbles down the stairs without a helping hand. And if you’re overweight, you’ll change that tire yourself, in the rain.

But none of that matters here. And I, for one am glad. I get to evaluate and know people for what they are, without the visual interference. Does that mean I’m shallow? I hope not. Being “shave your dogs ass and teach him to walk backwards” ugly myself, I am not one to judge on appearance. And before you say you can post your pics on Myspace, et. al. That is no guarantee that it isn’t your good looking little sister, or neighbor or that obscure testicle model you found online. So I wouldn’t necessarily believe, especially with Photoshop programs so available.

So what’s my point? There is no point. If you are a flaming asshole troll, you are a Flaming Asshole Troll. No amount of work by anyone but you can change that. You will spam, or post jokes on every fucking thread and copy/paste to your hearts delight. You may threaten people and bully them. And while you may delude yourself that you are cool and witty, everyone will know you drool and you have our pity.

And when you become psychotic enough you will work yourself into a banning. Being no stranger to that process, all I can say is I take responsibility for my own banning(s) and know the reasons why.

copyright 2007