lucytalk

i don't hate men ~ hell i find them fascinating creatures. so pre lighten up and take this the way it was meant, as jokes.



One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, 'University of Oklahoma .'

And they say blondes are dumb...

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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'

The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'

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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

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He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I
sit on the sofa and fart.

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Q:
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A:
A rumor

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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh!
Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

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Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

AMEN
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----
Q:
Why do little boys whine?
A:
They are practicing to be men.

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Q:
What do you call a handcuffed man?
A:
Trustworthy.
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Q:
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A:
You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q:
Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A:
It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
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Q:
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A:
Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manuals'
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Send this to at least five bright, funny women you know and make their
day! And send this to five bright men who have enough sense of humor to
take it!

dadakarma

Q. What's the quickest way to a man's heart?

A. Through the chest, with a sharp knife.

Free Parking

I liked this one the most.

Mom2Talavera

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I gave him personality.He was the equivalent of nonvintage wine & now as a result of being around me he's become full-bodied!

Comicsartist

Turn about is fair play, Lucy...



Why shouldn't women drive?

There's no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
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Why don't women need watches?

There's a clock on the stove.
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...And that is as far as I'm willing to push it. I'd like to have sex again.

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lucytalk

lol ~ fine be all pc about it but don't tell this one to any future fuck . . .

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.

The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."

The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."

They then asked the woman, "What are you?"

She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

ciaobox2007

Not exactly a joke, but a guy came up to me when out
with friends the other night with this line:

"Oh No! I just crapped my pants! Can I get in yours?"

I think I laughed for 10 minutes.

jdanton

Cool thread. I have a fondness for short jokes, like:


Due to a strike at the weather bureau there will be no weather at all for a while.

__________________
Author: Memoirs of a Sleepless Mind, a book you CAN judge by its cover.

Malkavian

__________________
Woof!

Free Parking

Choggle pants!