Comicsartist

Why not?



Yesterday I was visited by a gnome. He had the oddest little hat on and looked a shit ton like the expedia roaming gnome. I didn't ask him if he checked the trademark/copyright laws before he dressed himself. I thought that might come off rude. Anyway, he popped right in my front door, didn't even knock, the little bastard. Reminded me of my grandma. She always comes straight in with a nasal "hello" after she's already entered the house. One of these days I'll make sure to wear a speedo. That oughta learn her.


...Back to the gnome.


So there he was. A tiny, three foot tall gnome wearing an odd little hat. Scared the shit out of me, too. I thought they were imaginary, but I was wrong. Here was my proof. Unfortunately I couldn't find my camera or I'd have taken his picture.

He walked up to me and asked, "Where's Gene?"

"Who?" I asked bewildered like.

"Gene, man. Gene!"

"Oh," I said. "He lives next door."

"Dammit. Sorry for the intrusion," he said, and with that he was out the door.

Today I went over to Gene's house. Turns out he received free airfare for two to Amsterdam.

Note to self: If it looks like the roaming gnome, it probably is.

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djack

I don't think you need to go to Amsterdam.

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CosmicRocker

you sure it was a garden variety gnome?
Elvs are about this time of year also

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Traveling Wilburys (l to r)

Bob Dylan, Jeff Lynne, Tom Petty, George Harrison, Roy Orbison

Comicsartist

Djack: EVERY one needs to go to Amsterdam

Cosmic (BROTHER! ) : Thankfully, I have yet to see an elf. The gnome freaked me out enough.

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Comicsartist

Well, THAT has certainly changed.

I was mugged by an elf three nights ago. Damndest thing that's ever happened to me, minus the Gnome incident. First off, what the hell is an elf doing in Ohio? Especially when it's not the Christmas season anymore! Have you ever heard of such a thing? Herecy, I say. Herecy.

What happened was, I went for a walk about five in the evening. We have woods around our house with trails I've walked many a time. I had never encountered an Elf before, so I was sorely unprepared for such a vicious attack.

About a mile up the trail, I heard a grunt coming from the bushes nearby. "Wild boars?" I thought.
(You may ask, what is a wild boar doing in Ohio? Well, there's an Elf, and this is my story. So there.)

I picked up a stick and poked at the foliage. "Stop that, ya louse!" The bush yelled.
"Forsoothe?" I cried, imitating Thor for no good reason. "There be demons afoot!"
"I ain't a damned demon!" The bush called out.
"Then what art thou?" I said forcefully.
Suddenly, and with a lurch, the Elf leapt from the bush. Scared the bejeezus outta me, too. Hell, I was still rattled from the Gnome encounter.

"I'm an Elf!" The "what I once thought was a talking demonic bush" Elf cried. "And I need some green!"

The damned thing was preying on my fragile state of mind. He could see remenants of the Gnome encounter fear swimming through my eyes, and he exploited that weakness. I screamed like a little school girl, threw him my wallet, and high-tailed it home.

And, no. I'm not proud of it.

When I finally got back home, I found the place completely looted.

That foul, vile, EVIL Roaming Gnome had set me up.

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gorillamom

My middle name means "beautiful Elf or leperacon" or to be "free".

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The Clock of life is wound but once,
And no man has the power,
To tell just when the hands will stop
On what day or what hour.
Now is the only time we have,
So live it with a will,
Don't wait until tomorrow,
The hands may then be still.

Comicsartist

EEK!!!

Ahem...I...uh..I meant to say, "spiffy."

Sorry...still in character. Are you Irish, GM? Gaelic middle name?

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gorillamom

Yes. How did you know?

__________________

The Clock of life is wound but once,
And no man has the power,
To tell just when the hands will stop
On what day or what hour.
Now is the only time we have,
So live it with a will,
Don't wait until tomorrow,
The hands may then be still.

Comicsartist

After these ill fated encounters, I've come to know Elf culture very well...

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gorillamom

Good thing i just went to the bathroom!

__________________

The Clock of life is wound but once,
And no man has the power,
To tell just when the hands will stop
On what day or what hour.
Now is the only time we have,
So live it with a will,
Don't wait until tomorrow,
The hands may then be still.