Refuge51

For you Cookie


Nuns at a Ball game

SITTING BEHIND A COUPLE OF NUNS AT A BASEBALL GAME
(WHOSE HEAD GEAR PARTIALLY BLOCKED THEIR VIEW),
THREE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS
IN AN EFFORT TO GET THEM TO MOVE.

IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, "I THINK I'M GOING
TO MOVE TO UTAH , THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."
THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID,
"I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA, THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE."
THE THIRD GUY SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO , THERE ARE ONLY 25
NUNS LIVING THERE."

ONE OF THE NUNS TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN,
AND IN A VERY SWEET, CALM, VOICE SAID,
"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL ... THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE."

Teri B.

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races. The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the headlines read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

Alas ... The Bishop was buried the next day.

MORAL OF THE STORY??? Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.

Refuge51

omg that was hilarious

DannyBoy

Two Nuns in a bath. One turns to the other and says "Where's the soap ?". To which the other Nun replies, "It does, doesn't it".

Refuge51

Okay wait..where's the soap?..it does doesn't it?...nope..I don't get it..I'm so sorry


Teri, anyone, help! I don't get it! Went right over my head!

zimmy61

Just adjust your spelling of where's to wears and you'll get it.

Refuge51

Oh.. so whoever wears the soap knows where it is

ahem....Here's some political blunders from Bush you've probably heard a zillion times;

"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." -George W. Bush, May 14

"There's no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly overhead." -George W. Bush, May 11, 2001

"But I also made it clear to (Vladimir Putin) that it's important to think beyond the old days of when we had the concept that if we blew each other up, the world would be safe." -George W. Bush, May 1, 2001

"Neither in French nor in English nor in Mexican." -George W. Bush, declining to take reporters' questions during a photo op with Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien, April 21, 2001

Refuge51

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good" said the bat, "Because I sure as hell didn't!"

zimmy61

Almost. Whoever wears out the soap.

DannyBoy

Good job for getting it so quickly Zimmage, it took me a few hours when my Dad first told me it. It ruins it when you have to explain it, but this one is a good one and almost worth it.