2016: A Year in Retrospect

Comicsartist · 01-12-2008, 10:18 PM

Many things have changed over the past eight years. Many things have stayed the same. The year was off to a rough start, seeming as President Schwarzenegger promptly added Austria to our territory, and allowed California to cede from the country. California legalized marijuana, but we're still waiting.

Former President George W. Bush is still on the run. He's wanted for treason, war crimes and crimes against sanity. A video was released in June showing Bush and Bin Laden plotting another attack on America. There's debate on whether it's really Bush or not, since his hair looks darker than it used to be.

Dick Cheney had his two-hundredth heart attack, and was burned at the stake on suspicions that he was a Homonucleus, along the lines of Frankenstein's Monster. His last recorded words were, "Fire's bad...Go fuck yourselves."

The violence in the Middle East escalated once again as Iraq, Iran, Pakistan, Afganistan, and Syria formed one big anti-American country called Irakistania. For some reason, eight years later, our troops are still there. The war was finished long ago, but no one has told the soldiers yet. "We will never forget" my ass.

Barrack Obama finally said "fuck it" and joined up with Al-Queda. The main differences between the terrorist group of yesteryear and the new group is: A. This Al-Queda really exists, and B. They gave up their evil ways and now just hand out pamphlets at the airports. They merged with the Hare Krishnas, who found rebirth through Brittney Spears' conversion. Popular opinion says that if they can straighten her out, anything is possible.

That's all for now. I'll try to write again later. That is if Canada doesn't drop the bomb on us again.

Teri B. · 01-13-2008, 08:43 AM

Comicsartist · 01-13-2008, 01:32 PM

Canada dropped the bomb on us. You heard right. It wasn't an atom bomb or anything like that though. It was an F-Bomb. The bomb hit in the middle of Times Square and Rick Morranis sprang from it. He hadn't been seen since "Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves" and the nation let out a very frightened "FUCK!!" when they saw him. When Eugene Levy found out his old buddy was back, he immediately put together an SCTV reunion. Unfortunately, the producers of the show misspelled the name, dubbing it SCATV. Everyone tuned in hoping to see Two Girls One Cup, and were severely dissappointed.

Comicsartist · 01-13-2008, 05:22 PM

Pat Robertson channeled the spirit of Jerry Falwell and blamed femists and Nazis for the bombing. Soon thereafter, Robertson was attacked and put into a coma by feminists and Nazis. Falwell's spirit went on to appear on a talk show, and a surprise exorsicm was performed.

The peasants rejoiced.

Richterscale · 01-14-2008, 02:15 PM

Ted Nugent was killed and Mitt Romney was seriously wounded when they were trampled by a rampaging herd of lemurs while 'varmint hunting' on a trip to Madagascar.

Rudy Giuliani celebrated his fifth wedding recently, when he was reunited with his second cousin from his first marriage. Also his bid to copywrite the numbers 9 and 11 finally failed after a long court battle.

The pharmaceutical giant Merck was greeted with skepticism over it's recent bid to have 'restless heart syndrome' categorized as a disease. Their stocks took a beating as a result, but didn't completely collapse due to the FDA approval of their toejam fighting foot creme, Phalex.

The latest operating system from Microsoft, 'Windows Fuck' is the fastest selling OS in history due to their partnership with pornography titan Vivid Entertainment and Toyota's robotics division. It is the first Operating System to offer plug-and-play virtual sex toy support coupled with the latest in holographic display technology. "A future service pack should fully support Apple's iSnatch", a Microsoft spokesperson revealed.

Since the Rapture finally came in 2012, disproving all the non believers, the world has enjoyed four years of unprecedented peace, prosperity, and much improved traffic on American highways.

kblair7 · 01-14-2008, 04:20 PM

Newsflash ###after reviving Rush Limbaugh from the cryogenic accident which involved Haliburton trucks which due to lax safety measures fell on his car on a highway in 2009, triumphant Mexican doctors finally were able to provide the sex change operation he so desired, he was quote by press saying:

" I'm as happy as a little girl!!"

MarkMiller · 01-14-2008, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Comicsartist

Many things have changed over the past eight years. Many things have stayed the same. The year was off to a rough start, seeming as President Schwarzenegger promptly added Austria to our territory, and allowed California to cede from the country. California legalized marijuana, but we're still waiting.

Former President George W. Bush is still on the run. He's wanted for treason, war crimes and crimes against sanity. A video was released in June showing Bush and Bin Laden plotting another attack on America. There's debate on whether it's really Bush or not, since his hair looks darker than it used to be.

Dick Cheney had his two-hundredth heart attack, and was burned at the stake on suspicions that he was a Homonucleus, along the lines of Frankenstein's Monster. His last recorded words were, "Fire's bad...Go fuck yourselves."

The violence in the Middle East escalated once again as Iraq, Iran, Pakistan, Afganistan, and Syria formed one big anti-American country called Irakistania. For some reason, eight years later, our troops are still there. The war was finished long ago, but no one has told the soldiers yet. "We will never forget" my ass.

Barrack Obama finally said "fuck it" and joined up with Al-Queda. The main differences between the terrorist group of yesteryear and the new group is: A. This Al-Queda really exists, and B. They gave up their evil ways and now just hand out pamphlets at the airports. They merged with the Hare Krishnas, who found rebirth through Brittney Spears' conversion. Popular opinion says that if they can straighten her out, anything is possible.

That's all for now. I'll try to write again later. That is if Canada doesn't drop the bomb on us again.

You make me smile. That is a really something these days!

Malkavian · 01-14-2008, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Richterscale

The latest operating system from Microsoft, 'Windows Fuck' is the fastest selling OS in history due to their partnership with pornography titan Vivid Entertainment and Toyota's robotics division. It is the first Operating System to offer plug-and-play virtual sex toy support coupled with the latest in holographic display technology. "A future service pack should fully support Apple's iSnatch", a Microsoft spokesperson revealed.

I can't wait 'til full release....

Comicsartist · 01-14-2008, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr. Zaius

You make me smile. That is a really something these days!

Glad I can help.

Comicsartist · 01-14-2008, 10:29 PM

Tom Cruise made headlines again as he remarried Nicole Kidman. Tom changed his religion to Rastafarian last year, so Nicole can scream during child birth. But, she'll feel very close to Ja, seeming as they defected to the great nation of California, and they stay high all the time.

James Vanderbeek reappeared in an all new role about a highschooler facing love and loss during his formative years...On second thought...

We could really learn something from California, even though the turf war between the WGA and the MPTP has been taking place for the past eight years and all the tv shows have been repeats from the seventies. Oddly enough, art imitates life since my neighbors are clones of the Partridge Family, and their inscesant sugary sweet singing gives me waking nightmares.

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