Alwayzpeaceful

I just got this by email. Try it.

Can you read these right the first time?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"

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You lovers of the English language might enjoy this.

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car . At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP tr ouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special .

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.


We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP .

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP

And, what about people who slow UP - and - speed UP........

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP, so......... it is time to shut UP .!

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SMILE

Rollerball

Got all the way to 12 before I screwed up.
and I'm high

AlineaHeart

Same here...didn't know "row" was a two-timer.

Well, I'm not high...but...yeah.

Free Parking

12 was the only one the screwed me UP.

Malkavian

I always thought it assumed you slept in horizontal position, and when awake, became vertical and thus taller, so to speak.
It was hiding under the table.

Position of a volume control on a TV remote.

That easy. If there is no election campaign, all politicians do is sleep in the office. For more detailed information, see wake up

When it is UP to the secretary, secretary usually thinks 'you can shove it UP your ass'. Thus a subtle tone in the conversation is conveyed.

Whoever thought that one up, was hanging upside down. Reports are usually written DOWN. Incidentally, aside from George Bush's signature, this another proof that chimps can write.

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Woof!

gonzo

This beats the hell out of forum etiquette threads, hands down.

Malkavian

Or is it hands up?

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Woof!

disfigured

My new Brazilian supervisor (nice enough guy), but not all that English savvy has a log book he named (on its cover) "record log".

I pointed out to my counterpart and closest ally in the company, that a log was a record and the name was redundant. In fact a record log is something entirely different. Rather humourous if one puts a poopie spin on it.

So now we'll hold up the book and run our finger along the bottom of the two words from across the room to each other. It's still a good laugh, when things are hectic.

BTW what is the rule for it's and its? This one has been fucking me up recently.

Normally possessive is with an apostrophe, but so is a contraction. So when is its used? As the possessive or in some other circumstance? Or for the contraction?

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poetrychic

just remember the word without the apostrophe is the possessive and the one with is a contraction of the pronoun plus another word...its is the possessive of it, and it's is a contraction of either it is or it has:

it's cold outside

the tree lost its leaves

yes, i am a nerd

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"it was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation, yes we can!"

Comicsartist

Don't forget

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