Insipid

While Barack Obama choosing a hemorrhoid as his VP choice might seem like a controversial move at first, it does give some specific advantages that might be helpful in the general election.

1. Insipid's hemorrhoid is from Ohio, a crucial swing state that Obama would like to win in the general election. This might also help him win Indiana and Pennsylvania since OHio is close to these States and people might vote for Obama if he picks a running mate from a state that is close to the state they live in, because people are complete fucking morons.

2. Millions of elderly infirmed and working-class voters have hemorrhoids. These are a crucial class of people that Obama wants to attract in the General election. A substantial swing of these voters might happen if Obama chooses a hemorrhoid as his VP.

3. It would certainly cement his message of change having the first black man and a hemorrhoid at the top of the ticket.

4. Insipid's hemorrhoid is from outside the beltway and not a Washington insider.


Of course there are distinct disadvantages to having Insipid's left hemorrhoid on the ticket:

1. People with right side hemorrhoids might feel slighted.

2. Insipid's hemorrhoid is new to politics and is untested in debates and we're unsure how it would be giving a speech. Though we're pretty sure Insipid's hemorrhoid would do better in a debate then Dan Quayle or Jack Kemp did.

3. PIcking a hemorrhoid as a VP choice might not possess the necessary gravitas that some people feel Barack lacks.

One thing we know for certain is this:

THERE IS NO MOTHER FUCKING POINT IN DISCUSSING WHO HIS MOTHER FUCKING VP PICK IS BEFORE HE ANNOUNCES IT. WHEN HE ANNOUNCES HIS VP CHOICE, WE'LL KNOW AND THEN WE CAN FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT! WHY IS ANYONE TALKING ABOUT IT NOW? WHY DOES ANYONE ANYWHERE FIND ANYONE TALKING ABOUT WHO HIS VP CHOICE IS REMOTELY INTERESTING? WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK WHAT A PUNDIT SAYS ABOUT IT ANYWAY? WITH A WAR IN IRAQ, THE ECONOMY GOING DOWN THE TOILET, A LOOMING WAR IN RUSSIA CAN'T YOU FIND SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT YOU USELESS PIECES OF SHIT?!?!?!

Pants

Sorry, is there anyone else, besides myself, who was under the now naive, even quaint delusion that when we got 24/7 news coverage we might actually get, you know, more news? I know, silly me.