Welcome To Menopause - Page 5

Dianekkdi · 03-27-2008, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disfigured

Told the wife if she went off the deep end I'd dump her.

I could could give a shit what the "natural" order of things are , or are not, for a woman.

I am not living with an irrational, mood swinging maniac for any extended period of time.

Life's too short.

She's been warned.

You know what your real problem is with menopause? -- It's the fact that we've had it up to fucking here with your male testosterone shit and we don't need you anymore...so you better make damn sure we still like you.

If you are an unlikeable asshole then you too may consider yourself warned.

We know why God created man. It's because dildos can't take out the trash.

Now, if we no longer have use of our dildos and we can take out our own trash...what fucking use are you, your smelly socks, your dirty underwear and your dumb fuck attitude?

You sir have most definitely been warned.

cheapseats · 03-28-2008, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disfigured

Told the wife if she went off the deep end I'd dump her.

I could could give a shit what the "natural" order of things are , or are not, for a woman.

I am not living with an irrational, mood swinging maniac for any extended period of time.

Life's too short.

She's been warned.

For better or better, until dis-ease or divorce do us part?

Refuge51 · 03-28-2008, 10:58 AM

Menopause is only an extended period of PMS.
And any man who doesn't either understand or make himself scarce may as well be wearing a bullseye on his back.

cheapseats · 03-28-2008, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by itsmeeeeeee

well, it's a man's world!

And the largest group of American women ever to collectively approach/hit/endure menopause are sick of that shit.

It is a mighty, mighty voting block that has not even BEGUN to mobilize.

Men will want to recall the wisdom of the ages:

HEAVEN HAS NO RAGE LIKE
LOVE TO HATRED TURNED
NOR HELL A FURY,
LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED

-William Congreve

Free Parking · 03-29-2008, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Refuge51

This was so hilarious I just have to put it here for those who are still having Aunt Flo visit even if it is less often

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants ... which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always. .. .

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

When she got to the "Have a Happy Period" part, I knew what was coming.

Amusing

Malkavian · 03-29-2008, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Free Parking

When she got to the "Have a Happy Period" part, I knew what was coming.

Amusing

You are having unhappy one?

Free Parking · 03-29-2008, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Malkavian

You are having unhappy one?

Umm...no? I am not having any.

Edit: and never have

Refuge51 · 03-29-2008, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Free Parking

Umm...no? I am not having any.

Edit: and never have

Lucky guy!

Quote:

Originally Posted by free parking

When she got to the "Have a Happy Period" part, I knew what was coming

Amusing

I loved this part:'Put down the Hammer'.. should be a different saying on each: 'eat chocolate' 'put the knife away' 'place the gun on the floor and back away slowly' 'gently lay down the torch, bomb, brick, frying pan, coat hanger, pliers, etc'

Malkavian · 03-29-2008, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Free Parking

Umm...no? I am not having any.

Edit: and never have

Never say never. You never know.

Refuge51 · 03-29-2008, 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Malkavian

Never say never. You never know.

There's a pill now to keep a woman from having her period, maybe there will be one for guys to start having periods, you know a sympathy sort of thing?

03-28-2008, 10:58 AM	#43 (permalink)
Refuge51 animal lover Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Around Here Posts: 1,892 My Mood: Thanks: 115 Thanked 52 Times in 33 Posts	Menopause is only an extended period of PMS. And any man who doesn't either understand or make himself scarce may as well be wearing a bullseye on his back.
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