MarkMiller

My Mother is in the last stages of Lung Cancer. Everything that we take for granted can set of an emergency. Today she needed to blow her nose. Because she is very weak she had a second "accident" in one day. When the nurses come to care for her they have to lye her flat to change her and when she lays at a level angle it causes breathing difficulty. Because she was stressed and the nurses pulled the curtain closed and then went to get towels and fresh sheets, she panicked and it caused a respitory emergency. She is back at the Medical center.

First, let me apologise for being so unthinking in terms of my siblings. While, yes, my older brother cannot handle the hospital enough to stay more than an hour...we are past that and have excepted it. Cash will do in lue of of his time. Sounds bad.....but that time is just around the corner and that is the main reason that the three others have become a little more "tight" together. They are looking at a $6000 a month bill just around the corner. Also my sister (the cop) is under an extraodinarly complicated and stressfull situation as the Power of Attorney. She must now take care of my Dad's finances before Medicare comes in and removes half of his savings when Mom is "released" from the rehabilitation side of the "Hospital" (assisted Living facility), which an uncaring nurse just told my middle sister (who stay at night) will be this Friday. She freaked. My mom is in the ER and mysister is not the point person for medical descions, but the staff refuses to call her. They dump everything on the two of us, because we are there.

My sister is meeting with the Admin tomorrow to hammer (if you knew her you know exactly what I mean) out the details of what is happening. I was told to have her call, to talk to someone (again with telling me instead of just calling her) about what may happen because my Mother is not responding to rehabilitation and that basicaly pulls the trigger to release her. But this all happened about 15 minutes before all hell broke loose....and EMT's were called along with an ambulance to take her to the ER. Being the only family member there They told me i had to make the decision. Of course, yes take her. Then i was being bombarded with questions about DNR paperwork, madications and all kinds of stuff i had no answers to.

The Nursing director did tell me they would readmit her when she returns tomorrow.....which tells me they are getting ready to release her. I did remember to tell my sister about this but now she is furious that they are not calling her for this stuff. I didn't even know exactly what she was telling me untill my sister showed up in tears after the nurse told her they were relesing my mother in days....while everyone else is at the ER.

It turns out the nursing staff thought i was spying on them. Probably because we know the real charge nurse who went on vacation and we are just now realising that the facility has a major in house "politics" problem with nurses distrusting another and causing unneed stress for them with in fighting and backstabbing. (just like on TV)

The good news is that the Medical center removed ALL of the homemade signs that misinterpreted the HIPAA Law, telling patients and Family members that they could not be in the hallways. (that made no since anyway.....how do you get to the rooms if you don't walk down the hallway) They did, however, reduce the visitor limit to one at a time at the discretion of the nurses.....but that's if they even let you in the ER. They wouldn't let my sister in when the doctor paged her. She tried to tell them that the doctor was waiting but they interrupted her and told her that each visitor gets a full ten minutes each and she would just have to wait.. She was very patient untill that moment.....and she then lodged a formel complaint just to get past the fuckwad at the front desk, so she could answer the doctors questions.....that we waited for over an hour to get to my Mom in an overburdened ER.

The main reason that so much is not being discussed with myself and my other sister is......we are the two more emotional kids. Yes things are lopsided in the fun department these days, and yes my sister misses out on a great deal with my family because she is a "black shhep" like myself.....but they are doing their best to shiled us from the more....delicate matters. I learned much more tonight becuase I insisted on staying with mom with my sister the cop at the ER while the rest went home to start dinner. I felt bad because my mom is in the ER with my sister and it felt to much like a party...but it's holding them together. The Cop and the Correctional officer (my brother and sister) got into it pretty bad a couple of weeks agao and are just now getting over the fight. They need bonding time.

I got into a bigger fight with her, but i am more easily pleased. I just needed to hear from her and know she understands that I was not in the wrong...it was the nurses. Let me tell you.....if you thought Rk77 and myself could carry on a nasty, knock down, drag out fight......it would make your blood go cold to hear me and my sister go at it. We 've been doing it for years, maybe this is where we learn to rely on each other and trust each other to get through a very tough time.

I envy RK. She has the ability, knowledge and profession to do what no one in my family could ever do as well as a trained proffesional.....without all the drama and politics effecting her or her mother. My mom is constantly asking whats wrong, what's taking them so long, where did they go, when are they coming back? And on top of all this....they keep pulling the drape back on the woman in the next bed telling us to watch her. Everyone in my family has had to alert the staff that she is attempting to get out of bed or her wheelchair. My mother is very concerned about her. She doesn't need the extra worry and we don't need the extra stress and responsbility of another person.....but we just do it. We have no choice.

My opinion of nurses is changing before my eyes. God ( or the diety of your choice) let me see one good nurse who doesn't care about anything but caring for their patients....or at least make it look that way to me for a few minutes.

Thanks everyone.

Mark

W.M.DEEEZ

Your early posts led me to believe that you were being a bother to the staff, and that's why they were trying to abuse the laws.


Then, when you spelled it out, it made sense to me. I've gone through similar scenarios w/my mom, but I never had problem w/staff.

After mom's stroke, the hospital let a slew of us crowd into her hospital room. When she made it to rehab, we also "bent" some minor rules, which didn't cause any stir. I actually began participating in her torturous physical therapy, as I was "allowed" to push her harder than the polite staff.

Typically, nurse staff in these rehab. facilities gets complacent after a while. They start to order the aides to do most of the work, and dispense medications themselves. A sweeping generalization, yes....but it happens in the best facilities.


I've been met with a bit of an attitude on occasion, but my GF is a nurse, so I'm able to understand the employee's reality, and remain civil in my conversation. It gets hard sometimes, when your parent is laying there in a dirty diaper, and you feel helpless.


On a lighter note, before my mom was lucky enough to pass in her sleep, she had the staff hopping when she called. She was still pretty lucid, but she had her moments of silliness....each time the staff would change her, she'd demand that my father tip them.

"Give her 5 bucks" she'd tell my father....


Works every time.

__________________
Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got til it's gone

MarkMiller

It can be hard to look at these situations and find something to smile at let alone get a good laugh from.....but that story was priceless and gives you something to remember that is...if not pleasant.....at least humorous.

It made me laugh outloud.....something i just realised I hadn't done in weeks that wasn't an act to make people think I was OK. I'm not....but I suppose if I was....I would be heartless.

My brother, came by today. He has a hard time looking at my mom. It really is hard for him to be there. He doesn't come with his wife or son. I think he is afraid he may cry and doesn't want them to see it. He gave me a little punch on the shoulder as he left. While it is hard to watch this knowing there is nothing I can do....that made me realise that I am doing what I can, not just because I want to be by my Mothers side during this, of course i do. I want to do this.....now more than ever.....to keep this from being more painful than it already is for the rest of the family. I just wish they trusted myself and my sister to care for her at home and i wish I trusted myself. She wants to come home, but she is not making any demands....except the pound cake tonight for desert! LOL! Her doctor is allowing her to have a regular diet now. No more diebetic candy. We aren't pouring sugar in her coffee.....but she finaly gets to have pudding and cake and amny things she loves but couldn't have before. Her apetite (spell check don't work well with dial up) has improved drasticaly....now if i can just figure out how to feed someone salad and keep it on the fork without stabbing it. (hard to take bites that way)


I just want to say that you will all have to cut me a little slack about talking about this here. This is my life now for a while. I have moved back in with my father to help make sure he is eating and has someone here at night while my sister is with my mom.

It helps to talk about. Gives a place to vent so i dont tackle a nurse. I could go on for hours about just the bathrooms or all the broken elevators at the Medical center....so I have decided that since the majority of the nursing staff at both places do such a good job...overall.....it has to be the administrations fault. They have just decided that there is no point fixing anything since they will open a new hospital.......in two years. Nobody get sick for two years.....unless you can make the trip to the next county.

MintJulep

Mark, I didn't realize your mom has lung cancer. I'm very sorry. When you said she was in rehab, I mistakenly thought she was recovering from an injury or something. I hope you're holding up through all of this. You are a selfless person and you will be rewarded for it, if only by never having any regrets.

Hang in there and keep those nurses in line!

__________________
"There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few that will catch your heart. Pursue those." ~unknown

MarkMiller

I am just like everyone here. I know that I have my faults. I know that many of us have ailing family or loved ones that have passed.

I decided to post this thread originaly in anger at the situation at the Medical Center...but it happened at the Rehabilitation Hospital as well...it is a common problem in the health industry.

We were lucky enough to get my mother into a rehabilitation facility in hopes that she could improve enough to bring here home and she would not have to be bed riddin. The problem is....they accepted her on the possibilty of improvement after she had pnemonia. She is not improving in the eyes of the Rehabilition staff so they will have to discharge her soon based on that. Since they decided to do so we have ended the rehab treatments because it was too painful for her.

The facility has a long term wing were my mother has been accepted, but that requires Medical CAL and my oldest sister believes my parents income is to high for that so as the only family member with enough money she has stepped forward to pay the lions share. My sister's husband owns his own business and does very well (well enough that his 24 year old daughter who works with him can afford to buy her own home.....bigger than the one my sister or I leave in) so between those two and my brother who does the same thing as my spouse but has less time in. My spouse cannot afford to help out after the 5 family members in his family required help when they passed.

So plans are changing every 5 minutes, but my sister was able to get the hospital to put off the discharge untill next week. It helped that the Director of Nursing made a promise that they would readmit my mother when she got out. So they will allow her to remain in the same room on the rehab side for at least through the weekend.

Wills and full power of attorny was signed over today with a lawyer who helped get all the finainces in order to withhold money for funeral arrangments for both parents. My dad has been saving for this but it had to be dealt with now to lock that money in so it could not be touched by Medi Cal should they get it.

Although I would like her to be in her own home and she looked so unhappy when I discussed that we could personalise her room on the other wing.....she understands that it would be hard for myself and just my sister to live there and take care of her. I am still not totaly convinced we couldn't but....the desicion is not mine to make and I don't know that I trust myself to deal with it.

So she is back at the Rehab facility and will be moved to the other wing sometime next week. When she got back to the room the woman in the next bed had her daughter visiting and she was saying that she may be able to take her mother home next week. My mother eyes lit up and she asked.."She getting out?" like she was being relesaed from prison. Then as the daughter explained what needed to happen before she could come home....able to walk from her bed to the bathroom (something my sister had mentioned to my mom...hell she doesn't have to walk un assisted....just be able to stand and walk well enough with assistance...my mom can't even sit up on her own) and how as her daughter she had moved back in with her father to help out and be closer to the facility... (I said that I did the dame thing) as she explained all this I could see my mom become disheartened. I don't know that the woman will be able to walk on her own. My mom knows she has her facilties where the other woman doesn't know where she is. I woory that she will give up. I worry that if i am not there to feed her she will not have the simple joys of just a healthy apetite. She really wants me there becuase i will let her use the fork or if she wants i will feed her. I think she likes my style more than by brother or sister or can see that it makes them uncomfortable. It doesn't bother me.....it thrills me to see her eat when she was'n't for several days when i first got there. Oh...and my other sister uses her hands to feed her and I use a fork or spoon and feed her as i would eat naturaly. She doesn't really have to point at what she wants....I seem to get it right most of the time. I also taste the food dhe doesn't eat to see what's wrong with it. Maybe it tastes bad or is cold and i can make sure she doesn't get it again. Maybe it's just that she has become comfortable herself with me since i help for the lunch and dinner and my sister only has breakfast. I don't know, but she always asks for me even when everyone else is there. So when i missed dinner tonight and was on my way out she asked when i was coming back and becuase of all that happened today waiting for the transport back and the lawyer and all I didn't realise it was nearly dinner as i was leaving even though my sister was there. I had to run and get my glasses replaced.

So on the way back tonight after I had dinner with my brother inlaw and rode with my niece while she dropped off her resumes I stopped just to see if she was mad....but she wasn't. But I promised i wouldn't miss meal time again.

anhailla

So sorry about your mother MM...I hope things go as well as they can under the circumstances.
there is never a good reason for any nurse or any other health care professional to mistreat a patient....

I will admit that at least in the ER, families are expected not to gather in hallways...but a good facility should have a place for some privacy for the family if the situation is serious. Please understand that it isn't to punish families or to treat them poorly...depending on the size of the department, keeping the hallways clear does help protect the privacy of the patients especially if there are emergent situations going on. You of course would not consider leering in on another patient..but trust me, people get curious and look in rooms that they shouldn't be.


It's always a difficult situation when a patient is in the ER and has a true emergency that is life threatening, unfortunately upset family members can unintentionally interfere with the care. I have been on both sides of the issue and it's even difficult for me to step back, it just goes against our nature to leave loved ones who are in trouble.

A good facility will handle that delicately...but even good facilities make mistakes sometimes.

As far as Hippa goes...any next of kin should be able to look at any charting that they would like too. Assuming the patient can sign a release to give permission for the family to do that. It the patient is unable to sign a release, the family can appoint someone to have access to the records.

__________________
...either I go, or that wallpaper does.

Oscar Wilde

MarkMiller

The problem is....HIPAA law was used to remove me from the hall as I was speaking to the nurse who refused to help my mother. I have the Patients Rigts form in front of me. let me explain in detail so that you do not misunderstand the situation as it happened. But first let me assure you, I did not argue with the nurse. I complied then i complained. You see it was not a motter of just standing around bored at the Medical center in their ER. My mother was being ignored. The Nurse told the rest of the staff not to worry about her because she is dying and there was nothing they could do. That was simply wrong.

Mercy Medical Center Patients Rights
(I will only copy down what they violated)

You have the right to:

1. Considerate and respectful care, and to be made comfortable. You have the right to respect for your personal values and beliefs.

The Male Nurse by the name of Art refused to give my Mother Considerate and respectful care when he said "It wouldn't make any difference." It was then that he got mad and told me to return to the room becuase of the hospitals misinterpretation of HIPAA Law.

I have spoken to the Patient Advocate sinse and she has assured me that I was correct and that action was taken, even if she could not tell me what that action was. However since i did return to the ER with my mother i do know that they have removed all signage that I pointed out was incorrect and not HIPAA law. They also reduced the amount of visitors to the standard 1 per patient, but retained the discretion of the nursing staff. Meaning there were people with 5 family members and others that were being removed by security for being over the official limit....even though they were told it was fine by another. I spoke to this gentleman and expalined the discretion part and he explained how one nurse allowed it and the other called security. The Latino man felt that the Asian Nurse was playing favorites for the Asian family who had five members, but i said you can never know why....but it could well have been that.

8. Reasonable responses to any reasonable request for service.

My mother asked to be rotated because she was in pain. The staff refused and told us it was the families responsiblity. That was a complete fabrication and is when he insulted me by misquoting HIPAA Law and basicaly saying "We won't do anything for her...even help make her comfortable".

9. Appropriate assesment and management of your pain, information about pain, pain relief measures...(it goes on in length)

Totaly just ignored this as if I wouldn't notice "Art the angel of death" letting my mother lye there in pain requesting help with nothing more than HIPAA law being thrown at me as retalliation to my constantly having to look for someone to help. His name was on my mother's chart. He was responsible and he failed.....miserably.

14. Be free from restraints and seclusion of anyform used as a means of coercion, disciplie, convenienc or retaliation by staff.

"Art, the Angel of Death" purposely left my mother and told everyone else to leave her alone becuase "She is dieing and there is nothing we can do for her". Excuse the fuck out of me... She isn't dead yet and he had no right to keep the staff from helping her and no right to retaliate against her by refusing to help after he got pissed that she was asking for him again.

I want to make it clear.... I was the voice of my mother. i did not ask of the staff anything she was not begging for herself and sent me to get someone. It may be annoying....I don't care. It's not Wal-Mart. Do your job and do it respectfully or get one that does not deal with the health of a human being.

If I am asked to leave the room for whatever reason in a nursing facility (not the ER) do not tell me I can't stand by the room or near the nurses station. It is not the policy of that facility or the policy of that ER. They were wrong.

I am lodging a formal written complaint to both the Admin at the Medical Center as well as the department of Health and human services as well as calling the State medical boards to ask about the certification of that Hospital and to find out about other complaints. I am writing my congressman as well as my mothers and I will take everystep to make sure the staff realises that we can protect ourselves as well. My sister has visited the facility twice now in her full uniform carrying her gun. That is my mother and they need to know who they are fucking with...as long as they are in the right and do their jobs there is nothing to say but thank you.

anhailla

Thanks for the post, but I know the laws MM. Of course you have a right to find a nurse if your mother needs help, I agree.

You're doing the right thing by complaining.


My mother was ill once and I also couldn't get her any help in the ER, I asked her nurse 4 times to get her a shot...he never did, and it wasn't until the next nurse came in for her shift that we got help. I was so furious, I was trying not to yell at the new nurse but my hands were visibly shaking. She said where are you going? (I was helping my mother get dressed so we could go to another hospital) I explained that she had be laying in pain for 2 hours. She said "Oh my GOD! I am so sorry"...(it wasn't her fault) and came back with some pain medicine in 2 minutes.

I made a formal complaint the next day about the first nurse and THE DOCTOR who should have immediately ordered pain medicine for my mother

__________________
...either I go, or that wallpaper does.

Oscar Wilde

MarkMiller

Please understand that it isn't to punish families or to treat them poorly...depending on the size of the department, keeping the hallways clear does help protect the privacy of the patients especially if there are emergent situations going on. You of course would not consider leering in on another patient..but trust me, people get curious and look in rooms that they shouldn't be.

I wanted to mention something here on this. The medical and administrtive staff hold the responsibilty of NOT discussing medical records or treatment in front of others. A hallway is simply the wrong place for it. i am sorry if the ER is full, but you cannot tellsomeone to leave because of patient privacy. You can only tell the patient who the person is...they cannot be removed for a privacy issue.

Leering into a room is not an issue of the visitor in a hallway as defined by either the ER policy or HIPAA law. it is the NURSING STAFF's responsibilty to be dicreet. It is up to the nursing staff to find a location away from others not send others away. I am sorry if after you kind thoughts i sound rude, but you are simply wrong and have misinterpreted what needs to be done. HIPAA law is a requiremnt to protect the patient not allow staff to redirect people to where they won't overhear something. The staff is in the wrong for discussing anything in a place that they should not. If you work in the Health Industry i urge you....no....I beg you to research HIPPA law.

Becuase this may effect you some day and you want to know what you are telling someone is absolutely correct.

anhailla

I agree...in most areas, it doesn't matter if you stand in the hall or at the nurses station, as long as your respectful and I am sure that you are.

__________________
...either I go, or that wallpaper does.

Oscar Wilde